The "You" Question-Colorado Christian University

A black and white perception of the world is set in stone and factual; however, life is not set in stone and neither is faith. Faith is grey, therefore making it difficult for me to grasp and understand, I can't see it or touch it, and with faith I am determined to be the person that God has created me to be. Determination is my best quality: I am Jena: I am wise with an old soul yearning for fairness in my life. I have endured great hardship and loss, yet it has made me stronger and wiser. I have risen above my father’s death, and it has made me determined not to be moved by peer pressure, but by the pressure of living life to its fullest. As simple as that may sound, living my life to its fullest has opened my eyes to who I really am. I am passionate, determined, and a perfectionist.

Passion is the feeling of ultimate significance or a desired object or entity. Passion is the thought of wanting something more than ever imagined possible. With passion yearning in my heart and soul, determination is the action taken to fulfill that passion. Determination is what helps me through those difficult tasks and obstacles and with passion in my heart and a determined mind, those difficult obstacles can be fought through. When I was in tenth grade, I got the honor of playing starting, middle position on the Varsity Volleyball team at my high school; however, when practice began, I felt something was wrong. I couldn't perform the way I knew I could, and I was getting frustrated, along with my coaches, because we all knew I could perform better. Unfortunately, after the season was over, my right ankle became worse, and a few months later I discovered my ligaments were stretched. I was playing on an ankle that was not protected and was at risk of breaking my ankle and tearing my tendon. In fact, I had ligament reconstruction surgery during my junior year, and I was determined to get back on the court the fall season of my senior year. The ankle injury made me determined to find the love for volleyball again, as well as determined to earn my position back. My best quality obviously is determination, but my worst quality is my perfectionist nature.

Perfection is what goes through my mind every time I attempt a task, including every academic assignment, volleyball game, and relations with others. I rely on myself because it is easy. Relying on others and having trust in others is somewhat difficult. I had trust that my dad would sober up and be a father to my sister and me, but his addiction killed him. I wanted to be in control of what happened to him, but that came to a halt when he died. Perfection allows me to be in control, and if I'm in control I have the feeling that I won't get hurt. I have since learned that not only can I not control other people, but I can't even control, or perfect every aspect of my life. Perfection is my worst quality, and it is also the quality I hope to see wither away. I wish to only stop and smell the flower and not to analyze the possible imperfection of the flower. Letting God be in control and not me would enhance my life greatly which brings me to the quality I wish to see flourish in my life, and that is faith. If I stop trying to control and perfect everything and allow faith to flourish and believe that God will take care of me, perfection will automatically wither.

Faith is a difficult concept for me to grasp. Faith is grey and it is believing in what you cannot see. For example, believing and having faith in something as simple as my newly reconstructed ankle, believing that it not only will hold me the rest of my life, but that it will endure varsity volleyball and perhaps even college ball. It is no coincidence that I am writing this paper and that its main focus is faith. Faith is obviously something that I need to work on and what God wants me to develop. If I yield to what God has in store for me, my future, and my life, I am letting him take over. I can then see the world in its many vibrant colors and once that happens, I will have truly embraced faith.